Glass ceiling

For the fourth time in as many days, Killogram whacked his head on the glass ceiling of his apartment. "Dammit!" shouted Burton(aka "Killogram"), rubbing his head. "I knew I should have installed these things higher." Killogram installed the transparent ceilings throughout his house last week, thinking it would be a cool way to display things overhead. "I thought it might be a cool to way to show off my Lego's or all my old Star Wars figures," said Burton "but instead I just keep whacking my head into it."

Killogram appraised

A professional appraiser stopped by to inspect Killogram today. "The whole process only took about 15 minutes," explained Killogram shortly afterward. "I'm not really sure what he was looking for, but it's hard to believe he could accurately asses my entire worth as a human being in so short a time." He then added, "but I guess he's a professional and stuff." Asked what the results of the appraisal were, Killogram only revealed, "a hell of a lot less than I would have imagined."

Greased up and ready!

Word came today that Killogram is fully greased up and "ready for anything". The news evoked audible sighs of relief from frustrated fans from across the county who have been waiting many long weeks in anticipation. Experts say that Killogram's viscosity is now at an all-time high, and marvel that he has been able to garner enough friction to hold still at all. Even the slightest bit of momentum, they warned, could keep him in motion for days.