1000000000 Seconds

Stories abound as to what Killogram will do to celebrate this upcoming July 25th, when the internationally-known entertainment mogul will turn 1000000000 seconds old.

"I don't think I'll live to see that day", said a teary-eyed Killogram addressing the media at his weekly press conference. "I mean, it's still a month away right? A lot can happen in that month. I'm trying not to get all caught up in the hype. There are a lot of haters out there that would love to not see me make it."

Fans around the world seem to disagree with Killogram as many have already begun preparations for the magical event. "The wife and I are going to try to make it to Cincinnati, visit his birthplace, his high school...you know all the normal stuff.", said Adolf Von'Ritriz from Germany.

Three St. Louis teens were arrested this past week for breaking into a party supply outlet and stealing streamers. When questioned by the Manchester police department, 1 teen responded with "Killo loves streamers man, we were going to try to get on his property and do his house up nice...till you fuckin' ruined it!"

Not many can blame Killogram for wanting to avoid public fanfare about the upcoming event. Many remember all too well the tragedy of his "900000000 seconds" celebration on May 24, 2001, in which 3 people senselessly lost their lives. Although still an open case, many attribute their deaths to ingesting copious amounts of bad peanut butter which was accidentally served at his home.